(≧▽≦) mars kehidupan

Sering kali bilang “kepala mau pecah” ratusan kali bilang “ga kuat pengen nangis”, “kenapa si orang lain bisa kok kayaknya aku susah banget buat bisa”, “cape banget banget banget”, “aku gabisa, ini out of my limit” , “i wanna die asap”. Buktinya tetep mau hidup dan mau ngejalanin itu semua. Dan nyatanya selalu berhasil menyelesaikan masalah dengan baik dan tepat meski kadang ga sepenuhnya puas, memang betul you’re more than what you think.

Pernah ngerasa jadi orang paling sedih sedunia. Lalu tersadar bumi ini kan luas, pasti bukan cuman aku yg terpuruk hari ini, hari esok bakalan terus ada. Oleh karena itu harus tetap lanjut dan bertahan dong.

Kadang kalau lagi ditempat rame atau pas lagi jalan sendiri, selalu mikir orang-orang disekitar pasti lagi ngadepin masalah yang besar juga bahkan lebih dari yang lagi aku hadapin. jadi suka malu kalo sering ngeluh. kalo ada masalah ya dihadapin pelan pelan biar tau pelajarannya juga. Bukannya malah dihindarin. Karena pasti masalah itu ada jalan keluarnya kok.

Tapi kalau kamu mau nangis ataupun ngeluh itu wajar-wajar aja kok, karena mungkin ya disaat lagi cape kita cuman bisa ngelakuin hal itu aja. Yang paling penting itu jangan terlalu larut dalam kesedihan dan abis nangis atau ngeluh yok semangat lagi, kasih afirmasi positif buat diri kita. Sooooo semangat ya buat aku, kamu, dan kita semua, kita pasti bisa ngelewatin ini 💖

My 2020 was a Roller Coaster of an Emotions

Hmmm i know i don’t say this enough and i probably never said this at all. My 2020 started and i was super happy, everything was beautiful because the first of january 2020 it was a holiday session haha.

Around in the middle of january until may, I removed all of my social media and i just took a rest for several months. I was crying every night, every day and sometimes i was watched korean dramas.

20 june 2020, i’ll never forget, when everything related to STTT was started. Hari dimana tiba-tiba ada yang dm instagramku dan akhirnya aku memberanikan diri untuk masuk grup WhatsApp angkatan. Hari-hari berikutnya diiringi dengan ambisi yang kuat, aku mulai mencoba untuk mencari teman dan akhirnya aku join untuk membuat design twibbon. Hari-hari dimana ambisiku tentang per-design-an masih sebesar itu.

Day by day everything is still the same, i was super happy and everything was amazing and beautiful even in virtual condition. I met so many new people, new friends. But idk suddenly at one times in different condition, i found somethings and i was really really sad. I was crying and i lost some of my friends and sorry i have no words to say it. But i know everything happens for a reason. Tenang berteman itu sebuah proses, god has arrange it sooo no need to worry..

People comes and go. Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who can be, to teach you to love yourself or to make you feel better than before. Not everyone is going to stay forever, but the right ones will always stay. Sejalan dengan quote “Setiap orang ada masanya dan setiap masa ada orangnya”.

But thank god, i got out of it and i was really happy again. i know without sad moments i wouldn’t be grateful for the happy moments.

Oh yas 2020 trully trully lucky to met one of my close (virtually) friend firda wkwkwk. Aku dan firda ga sekelas dan lupa bisa deket karena apa. My number one chat in times of trouble and happines. Whenever i experience something worth sharing like everything in college’s life, heartbreak or falling a guy hahahaha. You are incredibly special, you bring so much happines. Thanks for being the person who listen to me without judgement and who’s always there and ready to help. See you very very soon. Can’t wait to see you in real life ❤

Last but not least. I just wanna say thank you and sorry for myself. Thank you for always being there and never once leaving my side, and sorry to the times that i make you feel unloved for trying to change you or pushing you too hard. Let’s forgive, learn, and move on of everything that has happened in 2020.

And may 2021 brings more happines and better than before.

missing my childhoold

Looking back at my childhoold and i can’t help but feel grateful

Thankyou ibu&bapak for taking care of me so perfectly. For giving me everything you had and more. Nothing in my life would have been without your strife. Nothing I can say, can ever truly convey. Nothing that I do can show my gratitude for you. The things that seemed ordinary but now i realize they are so special.

Thankyou little marwah, anak kecil yang kalau apa-apa mesti nangis dulu, anak kecil yang gasuka hitungan mendadak semangat belajar karena dimarahin bu guru TK, anak kecil yang cerewet saking cerewetnya orang lain sampe bosen dengernya, anak kecil yang manja berubah jadi mandiri gegara mau punya adik, anak kecil yang ceria sampe kadang semua orang disapa, anak kecil yang mau tau ini itu dari manapun dan siapapun. Tapi sekarang gantian aku yang belajar dari kamu.

17 tahun berlalu rasanya campur aduk banget ya hehe. Kadang ada hal yang terjadi diluar ekspektasi kita, rasanya saat itu juga aku mau berubah jadi kamu, jadi orang yang ga mikirin apapun, jadi orang yang taunya cuman main sama makan doang, kayaknya dulu enak banget deh hidupnya beda kayak sekarang.

Tapi aku tetap bangga sama kamu. Thankyou for being strong for recovery all scars and pain i caused you. Terimakasih sudah semangat hingga detik ini dan hingga nanti kapanpun itu 🥰🥰

caption inspired by: ayusarasw